After you live in Cincinnati for a while, you gradually begin to realize that there is a layer of invisible rays that covers the area like a dome. Everything entering the metro region — trucks, planes, cars, even boats — must pass through these rays.
Proof the rays exist: This kale is only 2 days old
We’re not naive — we know the government is behind them. And while we may never know their true purpose, we can say that they remove all freshness and flavor from food that’s shipped into the area. Sushi? Tastes like cardboard. Onions? You’re lucky if they last a week. Shrimp? Traces of chlorine. Bell peppers? Wrinkled and soft. Mozzarella cheese? You could be chewing rubber.
Occasionally, chicken does get past the rays with its flavor and tenderness intact. Although we cannot say for sure, we believe the Amish are smuggling it in in lead-lined, horse-drawn carriages.
State Route 013 
My brother in Oxford OH grew arugula through the snowstorm by making a sort of tent-city greenhouse. He could show you how.
Can we post photos of the bountiful kale in our CA garden right now? Just to be mean.
Thanks! Send me his phone number or something. You know, as the snow in our tiny herb garden melted recently, it exposed parsley, sage and thyme that we planted last fall, and they were still actually green and usable. So some things are possible…
You’re going to have to start hitting some of the farmers’ markets and roadside stands now that summer is on the way. There will be plenty of fresh, delicious produce all season long.